Welcome
In the quiet space between the mountains & waters, we often find ourselves seeking clarity. Whether you’re navigating feelings of being lost, needing to make sense of past experiences, or simply wondering “why now?” – this therapeutic journey offers a safe harbor where your story can unfold at your own pace.
I believe you are the expert of your own experience. My role is to walk alongside you, creating a space where both spoken and unspoken communications are honored. Together, we explore what feels difficult to face, discover your authentic identity, and nurture the growth that emerges when we’re truly seen.
Exploring Therapy
Why Now?
- What is the reason for you to explore therapy at this time of your life?
- Is this your choice or is it because someone else wants you to attend?
- If you are feeling helpless or powerless due to emotional, physical or mental suffering, then you might be aware of how important relationships are for all of us.
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth refer to the idea of “secure base” in their “Attachment Theory”. In his other books, J. Bowly reflects on emotional development and the importance of the initial stages of life. He also focuses on the dynamics that harm attachments and what helps to repair them.
Feeling Lost?
Have you ever wondered how well you know yourself? I refer here to self- knowledge, which usually requires looking back and gradually remembering what experiences might have nurtured you with hope and holding on to those.
This reflection process also includes realising what experiences might have been unhelpful causing you to doubt yourself. Gradually you might let go of these experiences’ grip on you.
Needing to Make Sense?
I would like to acknowledge here the importance of trusting your gut feeling/inner voice, even when it may not make sense. Your true needs might be signalling to facilitate self-care. If something does not feel right for you, then that matters.
Mirroring & Identity
Let me ask what you see when you look into the mirror? What might other people have told you about yourself? Or what you truly are with all your qualities and capacities? Joachim Bauer refers to “mirror neurons” in his book “Warum ich fuehle was Du fuehlst” (Why do I feel what you feel?). We learn about who we are from our parents or caregivers. They might mirror what we radiate and show. Or they might not be able to notice us, relate to our non-verbal communication and show what they feel. During early stages of our emotional development we accept what we are mirrored to. Eye contact is important to facilitate neurons to connect in the brain, as per “the Mirror Neuron System”. In his book “Selbst Steuerung” (Self-Regulation) J.Bauer refers to the mirror neurons’ capacity for us to feel what another person might be feeling and also to intuitively understand what another person might be doing. The importance of self-regulation is also referred to in “Brain-Based Parenting, The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment” by Daniel A. Hughes and Jonathan Baylin.
- ISBN 978-3-453-61501-4 Warum ich fuehle, was du fuehlst (Why do I feel what you feel)
- ISBN 978-3-89667-539-2 Selbst Steuerung (Self Regulation)
- ISBN-13: 978-0-393-70728-1 Brain-Based Parenting, the Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment
Trusting Your Pace
I would also like to acknowledge the importance of trusting one’s pace. A child cannot run before mastering walking. If she or he attempts to do so, the result might not match that child’s imagination. In therapy, trusting one’s pace refers to self-care. Challenging emotions that have been pushed aside for a long time need a slower pace to process when they are being felt.
What Cannot Be Looked At?
The emotions that were too big for us to deal with when we were not old enough are usually put into a symbolic bucket with a lid on. When this bucket is full, a slight unwelcome emotional experience could lift that lid up and multiple emotions might rush out to be heard and accepted. Hence a therapeutic relationship can enable us to feel not alone when starting to look at those one by one. This journey can become a constructive tool when we feel ready and when it feels the right time to do so.
You Are the Expert
Everybody is unique. Needs are unique. Chosen journeys are also unique. This makes you the expert on your own life experiences. My knowledge and experiences would not mean anything if you were to decide you are not ready to share your experiences. The therapeutic work relies on co-operation. There is no right or wrong when it comes to sharing in a therapeutic space. Confidentiality and agreed boundaries facilitate safety and can allow for trust to gradually develop.
Communicating Verbally & Non-Verbally
According to A. Mehrabian, and his “7-38-55 Rule” the impact of words during verbal communication is just 7%. The impact of the tone of voice when using those words is 38%. And the impact of non-verbal communication on the speaking person’s face is 55%.
You are in charge of what you wish to share. My duty of care involves keeping the therapeutic space safe via confidentiality within its limits, time boundaries, an agreed contract and my ethical conduct as per the BACP guidelines.
Mutual Growth
A therapeutic relationship has a mutual dynamic. This is best described by Patrick Casement in “On Learning from the Patient”. Like in any meaningful relationship, both sides contribute to the other’s growth in unexpected ways. Symbolically, if you were to live where there is a roof frequented by wild birds, you might realise that their feathers, in diverse ways, find their way into your home. This is a metaphor for relationship dynamics. In therapy this can occur within professional boundaries.
Taking Stock
Based on my journey of life, knowledge and humble wisdom, I offer a symbolic cake that tastes good and hopefully encourages you to wish to create your own symbolic cake. You will gradually know which ingredients you need to choose for yourself first and which ones next to show others what your unique qualities are.
Therapy of your choice nurtures the soul like the way food nurtures our biological hunger.
As an accredited BACP therapist specialising in relationship traumas, loss, caring responsibilities, and the profound experience of feeling different, I offer both counselling for shorter journeys and psychotherapy for deeper exploration – always respecting that you’ll know when the time is right.
Your inner voice matters. Listen to it as we begin this journey together.
